I had so much I wanted to write down over the last week. It’s been a rollercoaster ride for all of us. One that we aren’t going to be able to get off for a good while. One minute I’ve been so touched by the actions of Humans, both those near me as well as people I’m reading about, I feel strong, and positive; and then the next minute I am so overwhelmed and afraid for everyone. I stopped reading the news for a few days, then dipped back in to it, and had a bad shock at the deterioration of the countries who have been worst-hit. I don’t know which is best, to keep informed and avoid that shock again, or to tap out completely. Neither feels healthy. And then another part of me feels so horrible about hiding away in my house while others are out risking themselves to help others. It is so difficult to know what to do.
So, here I am. At home, trying to put all of this focus into projects I have been working on since the beginning of the New Year. These projects have been a balm for this crazy time. Last night my housemate and I had a little music session and at the end I realised it was the best I’d felt in weeks. The sun is coming out here, my garden is ready to be nurtured, so I will focus on these things. That is NOT to say my thoughts aren’t with the sick and their families right now. My family is in another country, and I wouldn’t be able to get to them if they became sick. But they are healthy now and we all just need to do our best to keep it that way.
I’ve always LOVED world music, but I’ve never listened to kirtan before. However, these last few nights when I have been awake late at night, they’ve been exactly what I wanted to hear.
The cruelest thing about this virus is that the only way we can save ourselves from it is to give up the one thing we all need the most to live. Human contact and interaction. I never realised how comforting I find just standing next to a human in the queue at a shop. Or waiting for a bus. Just that ‘closeness’ means so much to me. Now we are standing 6-feet apart, with so many people looking terrified of one another. A few days ago I ventured out into a local shop and it hurt to see that fear. I felt so lonely with all of that space around me. It feels like an ocean of space. I completely understand it; they probably have family at home they want to protect. It is absolutely what we must be doing. But it is such a shock. I think this is the time we will need to learn how to be close to one another in another way. It is certainly possible.
The first person who gets a hug from me when all this is over had better have strong ribs; I will crush them!
This is the starting point for my garden. I am very lucky to have found this place with a glass-house out in the backyard. I started clearing it out and preparing the soil before Christmas, and the garlic that I planted looks very happy in the corner. So far, I’ve put down chard, baby carrots, spring onions, brussels sprouts, and peas. There are a few small panes of glass missing from above, so I see those areas as being ‘self-watering’. Handy!
Next week I will be clearing a bed outside of the glass house for the next ‘instalment’. I had planned on growing my own food this season, but now the hours spent in the garden are also serving my mental well-being. It is so therapeutic, having your hands in the soil! I am very grateful that even while sticking to the ‘stay indoors’ rule, I have this space outside to enjoy.
Hoping that you all stay safe and well! x